9 Post-Valentine's Lessons Lovers Need to Learn
For a Lasting Relationship, Treat Every Day Like it's Hearts Day!
Whether it’s your first or 50th as a couple, Valentine’s Day can bring up a lot of emotions and expectations in a relationship, making the days after the ideal time for reflection and evaluation.
Here are nine key relationship lessons to learn in order to keep the love alive until next Valentine’s Day—and beyond!
1. Identifying Each Other’s Love Language is Important
With the famous 5 Love Languages (words of affirmation, acts of service, gifts, quality time, and physical touch) being applied to a variety of real-life situations ranging from conflict resolution to buying gifts, everyone should have identified their love language by now.
But suppose last Valentine’s Day resulted in one of you expecting to receive a necklace only to be gifted with a love letter instead. In that case, the day might have revealed differences in how you express and receive love, leading to misunderstandings and disappointments. You and your partner must identify and understand each other’s love languages to avoid sending crossed signals in your relationship and help you connect better year-round.
2. Communication is Everything
Did you miss a Valentine’s Day dinner date because both of you assumed wrongly that the other was supposed to make the reservations? Not surprisingly, Valentine’s Day can highlight how well (or poorly) you communicate your needs and desires in the relationship. Realize then that you can't always expect your partner to read your mind or know what you need. Post-Hearts’ Day, commit to listening better to your partner's perspective and try to understand where they are coming from. Also, remember to be more open with your feelings, needs, wants, and expectations and express them with clarity and respect.
3. It’s the Thought—Not the Price Tag—That Counts
Out of all the holidays in the year, Valentine’s Day is the one that opens itself to the most creative, thoughtful, and, yes, cheapest possibilities. While some couples use Valentine’s Day as an excuse to give and receive expensive baubles such as diamond earrings, for many, a very personal, meaningful, and well-thought-out gift or experience will be better appreciated than something expensive but generic.
4. Express Gratitude More Often
I hate to admit it, but some of us do use Valentine’s Day as the only time in the year to express our appreciation for our partners like it’s an annual hall pass. This time around, consider making it a habit to share with your SO what you are thankful for, if not every day, at least a couple of times a month. This simple gesture can have the most impact when your partner is under a lot of pressure and is not feeling appreciated for the things they contribute to the family or relationship.
Post Valentine’s Day, a great place to start expressing gratitude is by making a conscious effort to thank each other for mundane tasks you do daily, such as cleaning the house or changing the baby’s diaper. You might not notice it, but the words of affirmation will surely perk up the mood and add a spark of positivity to the day.
5. Change up Date Night
Couples tend to be so mired up in family and careers that they use Valentine’s Day as an excuse to schedule that day alone to make date night extra special. We get it; when they’ve been together for years, partners tend to fall into the usual dinner-and-movie date night routine. Change things up and get inspired by the tons of creative, romantic Valentine’s Day ideas out there to start injecting adventure and spontaneity into your weekly or monthly date nights. Doing something novel and more exciting every date night can help keep the love and passion alive in your relationship.
6. Compromise is Essential
Maybe Valentine’s Day plans didn’t go exactly how you planned—and that's okay. It’s impossible to expect you and your spouse to agree on everything. But being clear about compromise solutions and finding a middle ground that works for both of you, and respecting each other's differences is what makes relationships work and is key to paving ways forward after disagreements.
7. Give Each Other Space
Here’s a wacky idea. If, as a couple, you tend to spend every minute together or do everything together as though you’re stuck at the hip, why not use future Valentine’s Days to do the opposite and explore options for time alone? Giving each other space and time to pursue your own interests and hobbies is essential to give a relationship some breathing room.
8. Accept that Some Conflict is Unavoidable
Most Valentine’s Day holidays and date nights end up on a positive note. For those whose date didn’t end up so swimmingly, know that doesn’t mean it’s the end of the world. In fact, take that as an opportunity to acknowledge that you WILL have arguments and disagreements with your partner, and that's a healthy part of a relationship cycle.
But to avoid irrevocable damage, both parties must learn how to fight fair and resolve conflicts constructively. As mentioned above, communication is key. Address issues promptly—don't let small problems fester; avoid name-calling, yelling, or stonewalling; and talk openly and work together to resolve conflicts effectively. Most importantly, apologize when you're wrong and forgive when you're hurt.
9. Celebrate Love All Year-Round
Valentine’s Day is fun, but the healthiest relationships don’t rely on a single day to show love. If you feel pressure to make it perfect, consider finding ways to celebrate and appreciate each other regularly, not just once a year. Face it, most of the days of our lives aren’t like the extravaganzas promised by Valentine’s Day and are, in fact, mundane as heck. Solution?
Try to make every day a micro-Valentine’s Day with sweet, simple gestures such as leaving random love notes around the house or using one day of the month to cook an elaborate, never-before-tried dish together. Practice your Love Languages daily, so you’ll be fluent in them, and they will be a part of your normal relationship like breathing.
Romance definitely shouldn’t be relegated to just Valentine’s Day. By following these nine love lessons, you can make every day just like Valentine’s Day to secure a long and lasting relationship.